about feeling “behind” in your twenties
Let’s be real here, it feels pretty crappy seeing the third person from high school getting engaged this month when the closest thing you have ever had to a “successful” relationship was your high school boyfriend from when you were sixteen. Or seeing a swarm of LinkedIn notifications that all start with “I am honored to announce…” and tossing your phone to the other side of the couch because you’re a few months away from graduating college and still aren’t entirely sure of what you want to do with your degree. You sit there in these situations and can’t help but think to yourself am I doing something wrong here?
Our twenties have been hyped up to us since we were kids. Everyone always talked about how your twenties are the best years of your entire life. Or now that you’re actually in your twenties, you’re beginning to hear things from older family members such as I was engaged by the time I was your age, where is your boyfriend? and enjoy it, it all goes downhill from here! While this age is filled with the excitement of being on your own and figuring out who exactly YOU are for the first time, it’s also filled with confusion and doubt and the feeling of being “behind” other people your age.
This is the first time in our entire lives that we are not all forced on the exact same path, all taking the same steps at the same time. Together we all had elementary school and then middle school and then high school and then… oh… that’s it! it’s up to you now! Figure it out and don’t mess it up! It’s scary and overwhelming and everyone handles it differently. There is no “right” way to go about what to do next- no specific step that makes or breaks the entirety of the rest of your life. There is no such thing as being “behind”. You are not in competition with anyone else, because everyone’s path is completely different.
Whenever I get in my head about where I am in life and I’m in search of not feeling so alone in my insecurities, my go-to recipe for comfort oddly enough is Friends. Season one episode four. The One With G Stephanopolous.
In the episode, Rachel is in the middle of a shift at Central Perk, and her three friends from high school walk in for a surprise visit. One is pregnant, one is engaged, and one just got a huge promotion. They tried acting supportive of Rachel’s life choices, but the contradiction in their voices as they say “…waitressing?” while Rachel talks about being happy with her life proved how they viewed her decision to go down her own path. After this conversation, she goes back home to Monica and Phoebe having a slumber party and explains her disappointment, and next thing you know they are all sitting around heartbroken about not having plans for their lives. By the end of the episode, Rachel’s disappointment and confusion about her lack of a life plan turned into appreciation as she watched all her friends hanging out and just playing Twister together. It shows that success in life does not mean having a perfect career by the time you step out of college or being married at a young age, it’s really just about being happy with what you have at any given moment.
In this episode, they are all 25 or 26, and they don’t have a clue what they are doing with their lives, and it’s okay that we don’t either. We get so wrapped up in trying to follow the steps set out for us by other people that we start to forget to actually enjoy this phase of life. Part of the process of figuring it all out is about embracing that confusion, because no matter how much some people may seem like they have their lives together from the outside, no one ever actually knows what they’re doing. Not just in their twenties, but ever. Our entire lives consist of trial and error- you just eventually figure out that one thing you truly have a passion for and you have to run with it (take it from the girl who switched her major five times). This is everyone’s first time living, and there is no right or wrong way of going about it. Just embrace whatever phase of life you are in and bask in the excitement of not knowing what the next one looks like. No one’s path looks exactly like another. Oh, and everything happens for a reason.
